All that Matters (script development)

Shuyang Qin, a 30-year-old woman, troubled by a recurring nightmare, finds that her dream is a piece of her memory - her memory of being sexually abused when she was a 8-year-old child. Pressed for time because of the demolition of her childhood neighborhood where the incident happened, she searches for answers to her long-buried trauma. Such journey leads her towards an exploration of her sexuality, the relationship between her and her loved ones and the possibility of self acceptance.

Director’s Statement

Shuyang’s journey, one that is obsessive and somewhat absurd, is a confusing process of circling around — going towards a “closure” or “answer” yet finding herself exactly where she started in the end. 

Like a lot of women I knew growing up, Shuyang has a hidden urge of being a “perfect” woman whose life will meet the expectations that the society imposes on everyone. The damage of her long-buried trauma is real; however, she also uses the trauma as an excuse to avoid her present life problems. She falsely believes that finding the abuser and punish him and his family will somehow fix her life.

Yet, she finds herself asking after the confrontation with the abuser, “How can everything still feel so wrong when I already tried to make it right?”

This is a story about how life is after surviving a trauma for me. Based on my personal experience, it’s easy to fall into the “cause-and-effect” trap and blame everything that I’m unsatisfied with onto something traumatic I’ve experienced. However, It’s always hard to tell exactly what damage a trauma has brought to us and what damage is done based on what we’re doing to ourselves.